‘Good Christians’

Dear Mr. & Mrs. MS Lutheran Minister,

It’s been nearly a month since our children ended their relationship, and with the passing of time I now feel like I’m finally able to say a few things that would not have been appropriate for me to express before.  I do hope you bear with me through what may become a lengthy correspondence, because you will find that my message is truly one of love and understanding.

Your son let us know some time ago about your concern and disapproval over our daughter’s church attendance records.  Plainly put, she doesn’t attend, and that was distressing news for you to hear.  I’m sorry that it upset you so, but there really is a simple explanation for the situation.  On weekends, my daughter stays with her biological father, and while he professes to be a good Christian man, for some reason he does not allow her to attend church.  Since she is still a minor, she has very little say in the matter.  She has even had friends offer to take her with them, but all such efforts are ignored or refused.  Frankly, it has always made me wonder what one does to become a “good Christian,” but I suppose that is besides the point.

If the situation was different, and she was with me on the weekends, I would have no problem with her attending church.  Of course, I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, a good Christian.  In fact, I am just the opposite.  I am a self-recognized sinner.  No matter how hard I try to be good, my sins still wash over me like a waterfall in a never-ending torrent.  There is rarely a time when I am not sinning in thought, word, or deed.  It’s sad really, but my human faults make it impossible for me to free myself from sin.

However, before you feel any righteous justification for your feelings toward my daughter and my family, let me just say that the only thing that differs between you and I is that I recognize and acknowledge my imperfect nature.  I know I am sinful, and that only through the grace of God can I possibly be saved.  With him I can hope to be more than I am, but that only happens when I admit I am not perfect, and never will be.  Even with his help I am a less than shining example of what a servant of God should be, but even so, he still loves me. 

I wish I could express to you how wonderful it is to know that I am loved by one so great, when I am completely undeserving.  I don’t have to be perfect, I can go to my Father, bare myself completely to him, and he forgives me.  It’s liberating to not have to be ashamed of myself, because no matter how huge my mistakes may be, he loves me anyway.  You (along with other people) may not forgive me for the things I’ve done in my life, but God will never hold my faults against me.  It’s a miracle really, when you think about it, to not have to hide who you are, or what you’ve done, because to the most important judge, it just doesn’t matter.

Because I have received such great things from God’s unconditional love, I have tried very hard to emulate his example as I’ve raised my children.  They can be open and honest with me without fear of recrimination.  I have never once been yelled at by my heavenly Father when I’ve totally messed up my life, so I try to act accordingly with my children.  I’m not always successful (after all I’m only human), but it is the standard I try to live by.  Therefore it comes as no shock to me to learn that my children aren’t perfect.  In fact, they’re usually the ones who let me know they’ve made mistakes.  Again, I follow God’s example and instead of telling them what to do, I try to help guide them to the right choices, like God did for me when he gave me his word in the Bible. 

You see, God doesn’t tell me that I have to do certain things, he doesn’t try to live my life for me.  He tells me (in the Bible) how he would like me to behave, and then forgives me when I mess it up.  He lets me make mistakes and learn from them, so that I can come to him of my own free will.  He knew from the very beginning that true love cannot be forced on his children, we have to discover and choose it for ourselves.

So it came as no surprise to me when you called on Thanksgiving to let me know that my daughter had made mistakes.  I was already aware of them as we had been talking extensively about the events that transpired.  What did surprise me however, was that you were unaware of the mistakes your own family had made.  You were filled with recriminations against my daughter, and refused to accept the fact that your son may have also played a role in the situation. 

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”  Matt 7:1-5 (ESV)

I would never have dreamed of calling you and listing your child’s faults, or telling you how to raise your children.  Until I am sin free, it’s just not my place to judge other people, and I try my best to live by the above advice that my lord has given me.  Perhaps it’s because I’m not a “good Christian” though, because I do find that I receive a lot of unsolicited advice from the people who live under that banner.

In closing, I’d like to thank you.  You see, my daughter had hoped she could be good enough to gain your acceptance.  She knew that as a pastor of a church you would expect certain things from anyone who was dating your son.  In the end, she learned she wasn’t perfect enough to fit into your family.  She is just a lowly sinner, and through her acceptance of that fact she is now learning the miracle of God’s never-ending grace and love.  Unfortunately that miracle comes tainted with a new understanding of the hypocrisy of “good Christians.”

I wish nothing but the best for you and your family, and I hope that someday you are blessed with the knowledge that you don’t have to be perfect to be a child of God.

Divine Truths

I’ve been lurking on a non-denominational religious discussion board.  It’s different than most religious forums in that people of all faiths are welcome to participate and discuss their beliefs in a friendly manner.  So far, I really like what I’m reading.  I enjoy hearing what other people believe because it makes me challenge my own doctrine.  I also like the fact that while not everyone on the forum may agree with any particular post, most will read it with an open mind and discuss the merits with respect and tolerance.

In the last couple of months there have been an abundance of long, wordy posts by a man who calls himself a Swami and/or Guru.  I’ve skimmed a few of them myself, but frankly they’re rather confusing and hard to read, so I’ve begun to just skip over his topics.  There are quite a few of them though, so they can be a little difficult to ignore.  The sheer magnitude of his posting abilities has begun to annoy several of the members of the site however, and they are understandably upset that their forum is being taken over by the devout discourse of one man.  I was reading a discussion about whether or not the Swami’s prolific posting violated the forum rules today, when I came across a few statements that got me thinking…

In arguing in favor of his postings, the Swami said this:

One thing that i observed by now is that, most of you are not analysing the divine knwolwedge using your brain and most of you are too emotional. Hence my divine knowledge is not appealing to you much. [sic]

I have to admit that when he referred to “my divine knowledge” it annoyed me a little.  Especially since he states that others are just “analyzing the divine knowledge.”  In other words, he has divine knowledge while the rest of us only get to examine it.  Like we’re looking at La Gioconda in a museum, never allowed to get more than a few feet from the painting.

I've always wondered how one person’s faith could be more divine and truthful than another persons.  Let’s break it down by using the simple definition of the words. 

faith –noun  1. belief that is not based on proof  2. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: 

divine –adjective  –of or pertaining to a god, .

truth –noun  –a verified or indisputable fact.

knowledge –noun   –acquaintance with facts or truths

See what I mean?  Those words don’t work together.  Faith is belief without proof, while truth is an indisputable fact based on proof.  Since divine is pertaining to God–a belief is which is based on faith–and knowledge is an acquaintance with truth–based on fact, then is stands to reason that “Divine Knowledge” is an oxymoron.

So, what makes the Swami’s faith or beliefs (but not truths) more divine than than mine?  Not a thing!  In fact, what makes anyone more qualified to speak of God than anyone else?  Does a preacher who went to seminary have a direct line to God because they studied for a few years?  No!  It may give him or her more knowledge of the bible (“may: being the key word because some people with no formal education have incredible knowledge of biblical texts), but it doesn’t make their faith any more valid than anyone else’s. 

The Truth is not held by only one, or a few chosen, for God has seen fit to give knowledge of Himself to all who seek Him. The more you seek, the more you discover.

I regard no one above another for God is not a respecter of persons. We are all vessels and we decide what to fill ourselves with […]. Some have more knowledge of God than others, but all have a perception and it is through sharing of what we have experienced and learned that we gain a slightly better understanding of the magnitude of the indefinable […] God.

The above is a direct response to the Swami’s post, and it made me smile because it hits the nail right on the head.  It’s not what you think you know, but what you fill yourself with that makes you a child of God.

John 15:16-17  You didn't choose me, but I chose you. I have ordained you to go, to produce fruit that will last, and to ask the Father in my name to give you whatever you ask for.  Love each other. This is what I'm commanding you to do.

God ordains us all from birth.  He gives us the right and responsibility to spread our message of faith throughout the world with love.  Not intolerance, not self-righteousness, not fear… 

Just faith and love.

Twisted Scripture

I opened up my morning devotional today, and before I even read the message, I looked up the bible verse that it was based on. 

Mark 9:19 “O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you? Bring him unto me.“

Wow…  That’s uplifting, isn’t it?  From that little snippet, doesn’t it sound like Jesus is just sick to death of us and our whining?

Confused at the context of the verse, and wondering why the author chose this verse for a morning devotional, I read the whole passage from the bible (Mark 9:14-29).  The story tells of Jesus healing a boy cursed with demons, or in modern day lingo, a child that most likely had epilepsy.  Now Jesus had a temper, I know that artists like to portray him as all peaceful and everything, but the man knew how to get pissed off.  Remember him upsetting the tables in the temple?  That’s just one example of him throwing a holy temper tantrum.  He could also be pretty snarky when the situation called for it as you can see in the verse above.  It’s ok, it shows us that anger, when properly directed, is not always a bad thing.  However, when these passages are quoted out of context, they can often easily be twisted in their meaning. After all -- And making a whip of cords, he drove them all out of the temple. – sounds pretty bad if you don’t  read the rest of the story and find out why he did it. 

Now in reading the whole passage, I could take this one line and interpret it several ways.  The passage (in the three different bible versions I read) doesn’t tell you who Jesus is talking to.  In the KJV is says “him” possibly meaning the boy’s father, yet in other versions it says “them,” so it may have been his disciples who had tried to expel the demon and failed, or it could have been the crowd gathered around him.  When I read it, I believed he was speaking to the disciples who had lacked the faith to perform the miracle.

Of course, the author of my devotional disagrees with me.  He believes that this is a call for parents to bring our faithless children, born in sin, unto Jesus.  Personally, I believe the author needs to get a grip.  As Freud once said, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”  Jesus does call for us to bring our children to God, but in this passage, where he’s lamenting having to put up with us (or someone anyway), he is not making this call.  The last bit was simply a request for the man standing in front of him to bring the ill child over so he could be healed. 

Now that you have the back story, let get to the meat of this post.  After reading the scripture and the devotional, I had to ask myself; why?  Why did the author choose this particular verse, especially for a morning devotion?  Let’s be honest here, it’s a little depressing.  The phrasing kind of makes you feel like you’re a rock under foot, a painful annoyance that lingers.  Am I wrong?

if the author wanted to remind his readers that we should encourage our children to have faith, Matthew 19:14 would have been my passage of choice:

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

If, for some reason, the author wanted to use that particular passage from the bible (Mark 9:14-29), there is a much better verse contained within it that is more suitable for a morning devotion:

And Jesus said to him, “All things are possible for one who believes.” Mark 9:23

Personally, when my morning starts off fresh and new, I like to be reminded of the good in the world, the good in myself, and the blessings that my faith brings me.  You can remind me how lowly I am at night, before I go to bed, when I’m already feeling like crap and know that if it wasn’t for God I’d never be able to keep it together, and that he only puts up with me because he loves me.  In the morning though, encourage me to find the good in myself, so that I can be good to others.

So why the downer of a devotional?

I believe the reason that so many people who lead a specific church and/or belief system tend to dwell on negative passages such as this, is that it’s a form of control.  If you’re constantly reminded of how horrible you are, and that the only means to salvation is through them, than you’re less likely to leave the flock.  There’s safety in numbers, and more importantly there’s power in numbers.  They want you to find God through them, so that they can take your tithe and own your salvation.  To achieve this, they remind you constantly how unworthy you are and how lucky you are to have them watching over your soul. 

I know this isn’t true of every church and every congregation, but I can honestly say that in all my years spent sitting in a pew, it was most assuredly a theme. 

Now, I told you yesterday that as a child I was afraid of God, and it was due in large part to passages like this.  They made me feel as if God didn’t even like humanity as a whole, and with me being as messed up as I am, I didn’t stand a chance when compared to the best of us.  It wasn’t until I lost my way that I realized God doesn’t just put up with me, he loves me, and even likes me, faults and all.  Sure, it upsets him when I screw up, but he understands that I’m trying to do the best I can.  It’s the same way I feel about my own kids.

Whether or not you believe the scripture, that Jesus was the son of God or just a prophet, even if you’re not Christian at all, the message I’m trying to convey is still the same.  Just because someone tells you something, doesn’t make it a truth.  Read, explore, decide for yourself.  Is your faith in the man standing in the pulpit?  No!  So don’t take his word as law.  I could have taken the scripture in my daily devotion at the word of the author, but I found my own message instead, one that’s much more relevant to my life today.

“All things are possible for one who believes.”

I believe, and so it’s a beautiful day!

Lost

I wish I could say that as a child I was secure in my faith; I wish I could but I can't.  I said my prayers every night before bed, went to Sunday school, sang in the children's choir at my church, and tried to be good... But truth be told, God scared me.

Here was this invisible man who could see everything I did, hear my thoughts, and was silently judging me.  Like an evil Santa that would send me to hell, instead of putting coal in my stocking, if I stepped out of line.  It wasn’t a very comforting thought.

As a teen, I attended a religious high school, became more involved in my church, and tried really hard to develop a personal relationship with the lord.  In the chapel services I attended at school, they called on us to open our hearts to God, to accept him into our lives and be saved. 

I tried, I really did.  I prayed for God to save me, to come into my life and my heart and help me, but I never felt the miraculous change that others around me reported.  It was no easier for me to resist temptation, my heart didn’t feel any lighter, and all of the hurt and anxiety that I carried around on a daily basis was still there.  Instead of feeling better, I felt worse that I couldn’t seem to change.  I wondered what was wrong with me, and if I would be condemned for loving God with a lukewarm heart.  It seemed that no matter how much I desired it, I couldn’t stir up a fiery passion for my savior.

I spent years walking the walk and talking the talk of a Christian, but I always felt as if it was a sham.  I spent my entire life in the church, I knew what to say and what to do, but I just wasn’t feeling it in my heart.

Then, when I was in my mid twenties, my world fell apart…  I lost my church, my faith, and it was then that I set out on a quest to find my God. 

You see, for all of those years, I had been a foolish person building my house upon the sand [Matthew 7:26-27].  I thought I had a nice place, but it had a really weak foundation.  For my entire life people had told me what I should believe, and I had tried to fit my faith into their box, their house, their church, because they were people who held authority over me.  I never questioned it, I never questioned them.  When the rains fell, the floods descended, and the winds beat upon my house, it fell because the foundation was never anchored in my own heart.  I was lost and left with nothing.

I’ve spent the last ten years rebuilding my faith, trying to find a path home.  What I’ve learned during that time is that I’ll never stop building and learning, and I’ve also learned the path is different for everyone who travels it. 

Faith is not in a building, or a book, it’s in your heart.  You can’t be told how to achieve it, or where to find it, you have to search for it yourself.

During this time of rebuilding, I’ve become very strong in my beliefs, and passionate about my faith, which has compelled many people to ask me exactly what it is that I believe in.  The simple answer is that I have faith in God, and it’s the one I most often give.  However, I think that the most important question is not “What do you believe in?", but is instead “Do you believe?”

I recently became an ordained minister for the Universal Life Church, something that began as a joke, but is starting to become a little more serious for me.  Originally I thought it might be fun to perform a wedding or two for friends if they needed it, and it would be a laugh to tell some of the self-righteous people I know that I’m a minister.  As I’ve researched the tenets of the church though, I’m learning that the doctrine it’s founded on is closer to my own than I’ve ever found before.

Knowing that there are others out there like me, lost sheep trying to find a path, has perhaps made me a little bolder.  I want to share my journey with others, and maybe together we can find our way home.  You’ll find that most of my faith has a Christian spin to it, but I believe that all faith is important, and that tolerance is key to understanding.  So if you’d like to join me on this journey I’d love to have your company, no matter what you believe, just as long as you do.